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Leaders in Family Matters

Grace’s Journey Part 7


As of the last two days in April, I’m officially in my last trimester! For whatever reason, my second trimester seemed to last an eternity. Every week I look at the app on my phone which tells me how big baby is, what her approximate weight is, and what trimester I was in, waiting for the day it said I was in the third trimester. And, thinking about how close July is, I think this last trimester will go much faster than the second!

Luckily, my pregnancy is progressing without any snafus or complications (with the exception of my bleeding scare in the first trimester). At the last sonogram I had, the doctor stated my pregnancy was progressing “boringly routine,” which is exactly what I and the intended parents needed to hear.

It seems that I cannot help myself but read the stories I see on the internet about surrogates “forced” to abort a baby when they are carrying multiples. For whatever reason I see a lot more of those stories than I used to – maybe because as I am currently carrying for another couple, I am more attuned. And, it seems that surrogates normally don’t tell their story, unless there is some drama attached to it.

I am sure my opinion on the surrogates who claim to have been forced to abort a baby will not be the popular one, as I cannot sympathize with the surrogate in that scenario for a couple of reasons. The first reason being when you decide to become a surrogate, you sign a contract which grants the intended parents the right to make medical decisions for their unborn child, including aborting the child if determined to be medically necessary. I am sure the decision to abort a child haunts the intended parents. Remember, what they want most in the world is to have a child. They have paid thousands upon thousands of dollars to try to make their dream a reality. But, they are being responsible and not putting the surrogate or child at risk. And what I think most people fail to realize is that the intended parents cannot force a surrogate to have an abortion. It is still her body and she has the final say. She just has to be aware of the consequences if she chooses to go against buy proscar online usa medical advice and the intended parents’ wishes and know she may be found in breach of contract and held responsible for repayment of all the funds the intended parents have spent throughout the process.

The other reason I cannot sympathize with a surrogate claiming to have been forced to abort is because in my opinion, if they claim to have been forced and offer to keep the baby, they are too emotionally involved in this pregnancy. I am not saying a surrogate should be clinically detached. I think that would be impossible. Once you are far enough along in your pregnancy, you feel the baby moving inside you. You suffer all the normal pregnancy ailments – heartburn, fatigue, cravings. You never forget you are carrying a child.

For me, the experience of being a surrogate is completely different than how I felt when I was carrying my own babies. I am not as emotionally attached. That is hard to say, because I don’t want people to think I’m cold or indifferent about this child – nothing could be further from the truth. I will continue to do all I can to make sure this baby is born full term and healthy. But this is not my baby. That is something I have known since before the transfer of this embryo. And knowing this is not my baby, will never be my baby, I am not as emotional about this pregnancy as I was when carrying my own children. I am the oven who is cooking this bun that the intended parents have made because their oven may not work properly.

When I go to my prenatal check-ups, the intended parents are there and the doctor directs most of what she says about the baby’s progress to them. She asks them if they have questions. She asks me how I am feeling and if I am doing okay.

For me the emotional part is picturing the moment the intended parents finally get to meet their daughter, hold her in their arms, and know that they are parents. I look forward to that day and feel honored and blessed to have been a part of this journey with them.

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